The big Marcus Rashford news is that he is not refusing to play for Manchester United, who pay him £300,000 a week.
Rash decision
Marcus Rashford’s camp have been busy briefing journalists that their man has been doing extra training sessions and is more than ready to play for Manchester United this Thursday and beyond after Ruben Amorim intimated it was the beleaguered forward’s ‘choice’ not to play for the club.
So the Daily Mail tell us that Rashford has ‘no issue’ with Ruben Amorim and he is ‘ready to give 100 per cent to the team’, which sounds suspiciously like a message to Barcelona and other suitors that he does not have an attitude problem.
The Guardian say he is ‘ready and available’ to play for the club that pays him £300,000 a week, so that’s a massive tick in his favour. So the big story is essentially that Rashford will not go on strike.
The Sun of course get it slightly arse about face and claim he has done a ‘dramatic u-turn – and now wants to play for stricken Manchester United’. We will patiently wait for somebody to point out exactly when and where Rashford said he would not play for United, stricken or otherwise. No? Nothing?
It’s really not that complex; Rashford would quite like to leave Manchester United but his wages are an issue. In the meantime, it is absolutely in his best interests to be available to play for the club that pays his those wages, if only to make him more attractive for a possible summer transfer.
There has been no ‘dramatic u-turn’, ‘remarkable u-turn’ (TEAMtalk) or ‘shock U-turn’ (Metro).
But there is so very many clicks to be mined from pretending that Rashford is on his way.
Goal tell us that ‘Marcus Rashford in line for shock Mason Greenwood reunion as Marseille make transfer approach for Man Utd outcast’.
‘In line’, you say. That is one hell of a leap from L’Equipe writing that ‘OM has also inquired with Manchester United for Marcus Rashford (27 years old, under contract until 2028), lacking playing time in the Premier League and one of the hottest files of the European transfer window’.
It’s practically nailed on.
In the Manchester Evening News, we get this belter: ‘Marcus Rashford Man United transfer in doubt as major medical update given.’
The implication – perfectly manufactured – is that Rashford has failed a medical. The truth? Rashford has not passed a medical, failed a medical or even taken a medical; the story here is that Kyle Walker will have a medical in Milan, thus putting an end to any faint rumours that Rashford might be Milan-bound.
We can obviously all agree that is a ‘major medical update’.
And presumably this ‘major medical update’ absolutely justifies the MEN headline of ‘Man United transfer news LIVE – Garnacho hint, Dorgu talks, Rashford medical’ that magically changes when you click through to the site…
Shaw thing
There are other potential exits from Manchester United too, with GiveMeSport claiming an exclusive that ‘Amorim ‘Could Sell’ £200,000-a-Week Man Utd Star in Summer’.
First, it’s an ‘exclusive’ guys; who are you quoting? Oh. Yourselves, is it? Fine.
Second, of course ‘Ruben Amorim has refused to rule out the possibility of offloading Luke Shaw in the summer’; it would be a bigger story if he was desperate to keep a player who has played 98 minutes of football all season and started just 12 Premier League games in 2023/24.
The real fun will be finding somebody to buy Shaw. Brace yourself for a ‘u-turn’ from all concerned when nobody steps forward to match his massive wages.
POUNDland
But obviously the really big story in football is that Pep Guardiola’s wife has ‘broken her silence’ following her split from the Manchester City boss. And how do we know she has ‘broken her silence’? Well, our friend Gerard Couzens has been earning a small fortune with updates for…
The Sun: ‘PEP GUARDIOLA’S wife has broken her silence following her split from the Manchester City manager to insist she’s “feeling great”. Cristina Serra looked a picture of happiness as she shopped alone in Barcelona a week after news of the couple’s shock break-up emerged.’
The Mirror: ‘Pep Guardiola’s wife has broken her silence following her shock split from the Manchester City manager – and insisted she’s “feeling great”. Cristina Serra looked a picture of happiness as she shopped alone in Barcelona a week after news of the couple’s shock break-up emerged.’
MailOnline: ‘Pep Guardiola’s wife has broken her silence following her split from the Manchester City manager to insist she’s ‘feeling great’. Cristina Serra looked a picture of happiness as she shopped alone in Barcelona a week after news of the couple’s shock break-up emerged.’
At least maybe tweak a few words, fella. Every kid who has ever copied homework knows you should at least mix up the adjectives.
But oddly enough, the ‘pretty brunette…refused to say why they broke up’ when approached on the street in public by a total stranger.
But obviously ‘Cristina’s first words about her feelings following the break-up showed her apparent determination to continue with her life as normal instead of holing up in the £8.4million home in the upmarket Barcelona neighbourhood of Pedralbes the couple purchased in 2021’.
Because that’s a normal sentence, made all the funnier because somebody at MailOnline did not quite catch that Couzens does not have a £ sign on his Spanish keyboard. Hence:
‘Cristina’s first words about her feelings following the break-up showed her apparent determination to continue with her life as normal instead of holing up in the POUNDS 8.4 million home in the upmarket Barcelona neighbourhood of Pedralbes the couple purchased in 2021.’
Couzens is earning the best POUNDS of his life.
