Manchester United makes up about four per cent of the coaching career of David Moyes, but nearly all of his interviews. It is obvious why but no less boring.
A few years ago it was seemingly impossible for the news cycle to turn without Jamie Vardy first explaining how he made the right choice in turning down Arsenal.
That Vardy remains with Leicester more than eight years after making his decision sums up how easy it was for him, but the number of times it was deemed necessary to retread old ground in the aftermath was bizarre. Having just won a miraculous Premier League title – and perhaps sensing both a tactical clash and shift in the sands which would not benefit Arsene Wenger’s side – the decision to stay in a place of comfort and worship was not really worth exploring past a surface level.
And really that is on the media for delivering such softballs while nodding earnestly like that Garth Crooks meme at an answer told countless times before to numerous different outlets. Is a rejected transfer really more important or interesting than asking about the gastrointestinal health of a man sustained on a diet of Red Bull, port, cheese and ham omelettes and opposition fury, or his thoughts on whether Dean Gaffney is still equipped to play him in the film trilogy?
Quite obviously not but for a time, Vardy had to recycle and regurgitate the same tired quotes on the same tired subject.
Yet that pales in comparison to the ultimate version of this phenomenon, as can be witnessed on the latest episode of Stick to Football. After the infectious thrill of seeing Ian Wright walking into the studio with his phone out, giddily waiting to show everyone a picture of Gary Barlow’s abnormally large son before realising no-one else is permanently online, it becomes clear that Gary Neville has secured quite the coup with his latest guest: finally, someone connected to Manchester United who can, at some point, speak at least in broad terms about Sir Alex Ferguson.
It has been a long time coming and it is no surprise whatsoever that by far the longest of the 11 sections the interview is broken up into is titled: ‘David Moyes as Manchester United manager.’ A discussion about a reign which ended more than a decade ago is afforded about twice as much time as a far more relevant, pertinent and revealing chat about his West Ham exit in the summer.
It is a fundamentally weird balance with an obvious explanation. This is Manchester United Football Club they are talking about here. Those 10 months Moyes spent at Old Trafford account for about 4% of a near-three-decade managerial career but will forever be, right or wrong, biased or unbiased, the most noteworthy part of it. That is how it works and it would be wilfully stupid to pretend otherwise.
Yet that makes these perennial recaps no less tiresome. Even just framing it as a chin-stroking dialogue about the coaching graveyard Ruben Amorim is about to walk into does not really work because the demise of Moyes was nothing particularly close to that of Louis van Gaal, Jose Mourinho, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer or Erik ten Hag.
For all their considerable foibles, each of those men resembled something at least vaguely similar to a Manchester United manager during their terms in office; Moyes never did, as his admission that the pressure “was getting on top of me” after a 2-0 defeat to Olympiacos towards the end of his spell attests.
It’s certainly difficult to imagine the Scot ever describing the challenge of managing a post-Ferguson Manchester United as “fun”, even when inheriting the champions.
It was only a few months ago when he told Simon Jordan “my time at Manchester United was a failure”, as if revealing some untold truth. Rolling Moyes out twice a year to relive probably the worst part of his professional life is just weird and unnecessary. If he has not already had the same conversation with Steven Bartlett and Jake Humphrey, it is only a matter of time. Neville is just another rung on the podcast ladder.
It would be broadly fine if Moyes ever introduced anything new to the equation but that fixation – and again this falls squarely on the shoulders of those asking the questions rather than answering them – on signings is ever-present, despite it only forming a fraction of the reason Moyes and Manchester United were never compatible.
Of course Moyes falls back on the anecdotes about Cesc Fabregas promising to join if he didn’t play the first league game of the season for Barcelona. Of course he defaults to the story about pursuing Gareth Bale while always mindful of how the Welshman had his heart set on Real Madrid. Of course Marouane Fellaini and Leighton Baines get a mention. Of course he doesn’t properly throw Ed Woodward under the bus. Of course Neville nor his fellow presenters press him on why they targeted two players who were out of reach while identifying no possible alternatives. Of course in big 2024 he still calls it “the Premiership”.
Of course he was saying these exact same things when asked seven years ago about recruitment at Manchester United, because really why wouldn’t he? It is excellent after-dinner speech material which Moyes has instead been forced to exhaust by unimaginative interviewees; that’s neither his fault nor his problem.
There are slightly bigger issues in the current global landscape, sure, but it is time to move on from that most explicable of failures in an otherwise phenomenal managerial career. The world should pray for someone brave enough to ask Moyes why he pronounced Asier Asier Illarramendi’s surname like he did that one time, or what he reckons Gary Barlow feeds his offspring.
At this point we’d accept his take on whether Jamie Vardy was right to turn down Arsenal if it meant we at least got something new.
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