Will Gary Neville ever recover after being ‘brutally shut down’ and ‘meeting his match’ in another Premier League icon?
Sick burn for Gary Neville
According to MailOnline, the biggest story in football on Monday morning is – and you should prepare for this one, maybe sit down and hold onto something solid – that former Middlesbrough midfielder Robbie Mustoe did not agree with Gary Neville that Arsenal have ‘regressed’ this season, despite the Gunners being eight points worse off than the same stage last season. Which is pretty much the definition of regression.
This apparently counts as…
‘NEVILLE MEETS HIS MATCH.’
It’s hard to exaggerate how utterly ridiculous the football media has become when two pundits mildly disagreeing on NBC Sports on Saturday has become the biggest story in football on Monday morning.
‘Gary Neville is shut down on American TV by fellow pundit over calling Arsenal a ‘big let-down’ – and singling out one superstar’s ‘big drop-off”
‘Shut down’? FFS. Neville spoke at length and then Mustoe spoke at length, beginning his own opinion with “I hear that and I agree with quite a bit of that”, before pointing out that Arsenal had suffered a lot of injuries. Miaow. That told him.
We are then told that Neville was ‘called out’ by Mustoe. At this point it’s probably relevant to point out that the Mail writer in question is an Arsenal fan. Obviously. What is more difficult to understand is why the Mail have given him a platform for this utter nonsense.
Over at The Sun, they refer to Mustoe as ‘another Premier League icon’ as they declare that Neville was ‘brutally shut down’.
Check it out yourself. Does this look ‘brutal’ to you?
“They’ve gone backwards, I think, from the start of the season.”
Gary Neville and Robbie Mustoe debate Arsenal’s campaign so far as the title slips further out of reach. pic.twitter.com/X9y5xGG7JL
— NBC Sports Soccer (@NBCSportsSoccer) April 12, 2025
Oh and Arsenal have regressed. You’re welcome.
SCRAPheap Challenge
We’re all flailing about trying to find some nuggets of interest in this rotten Premier League season; there’s barely even any interest in Manchester United’s clown car nonsense anymore. Even United being utterly sh*t has become dull. On these pages, the Mailbox despairs, but they are crying into the abyss.
So what do you do when it’s all become a little tedious? Make up some quotes of course. What else?
‘Moment furious Newcastle star Joelinton ‘offers Manuel Ugarte a SCRAP down the tunnel’ as he’s subbed off vs Man Utd’
See those quote marks in that Sun headline? Who are they quoting? Will you be shocked to learn that they are quoting absolutely nobody? At this stage in big 2025, probably not.
The first paragraph is your first clue that things may not be quite so clear-cut has suggested in that headline…
‘NEWCASTLE hero Joelinton appeared to invite Manchester United rival Manuel Ugarte for a tunnel fight in a “crazy” flare-up.’
Literally one paragraph in, we’re already in ‘appeared to’ territory. Five paragraphs in and…
‘It seemed the 28-year-old “offered to scrap” the ex-PSG anchorman.’
…and it ‘seems’ that The Sun are actually quoting themselves. Standard.
Keeping up appearances
That ‘appeared to’ trick is a massive tell that it’s a right load of old bollocks.
Take this in the Mirror. No, really, take it, we don’t want it…
‘Mohamed Salah lets slip Virgil van Dijk contract latest after Liverpool heroics’
That’s the headline and literally one paragraph in, that becomes ‘Mohamed Salah appeared to let slip that an announcement of a new Liverpool contract for Virgil van Dijk is in the pipeline after the dramatic win over West Ham’.
He definitely did not appear to do anything of the bloody sort. This is what he literally said (described as ‘eye-catching’ by the Mirror):
“I am glad that we managed to do that early, before the end of the season. And hopefully also Virgil will be next. I just say hopefully! I’m just saying. Look, he can do whatever he wants but I would love to see him here again next season. But of course, he can choose do do whatever he wants.”
It takes a special kind of click-guzzler to read those words and conclude that ‘Salah has let slip’ anything other than the extraordinary opinion that he would quite like one his club’s best players to stay.
