Manchester United are in crisis again with Ruben Amorim and Bruno Fernandes having to break it up between Rasmus Hojlund and Diogo Dalot.
Ask a simple question
‘Harry Kane can return to Premier League to make history, so could Man Utd, Chelsea, Spurs or ARSENAL move be on cards?’ – The Sun.
Probably not, no.
One rule for them
Not content with merely pretending that Liverpool might be deducted points in the aftermath of Arne Slot’s red card against Everton in February, the Daily Mirror website is back with this:
‘Premier League considers huge referee rule change after foul-mouthed Arne Slot rant’
How many times did FA chief executive Mark Bullingham mention Liverpool, Slot or his ‘foul-mouthed rant’ when discussing the foolproof idea of fitting Premier League referees with bodycams? You have indeed guessed it. Have a gold star and a cookie.
It is just absolute nonsense to pretend this has anything to do with Liverpool more than any other side, that Slot’s behaviour was so abhorrent rules might have to be changed because of it.
The FA announced the first trail of the use of referee bodycams towards the end of the 2022/23 season; it has been A Thing they have been considering for more than two years – and something that won’t be implemented for another few seasons if ever – not a panicked response to Slot doing a bit of a swear just over three weeks ago.
Hoj Dalot can you go?
History was made on Thursday afternoon as for the first time ever, a footballer showed frustration at a teammate.
Diogo Dalot neglecting to play in Rasmus Hojlund to probably not score at one stage in the first half against Real Sociedad rescued an otherwise drearily uninspiring game in terms of post-match discussion points. It was “unacceptable” and “criminal” and, crucially, made it possible to spawn a dozen negative Manchester United stories.
The problem is that the majority of them collapse in on themselves within a couple of paragraphs because to reiterate: players, much like people, argue all the time. It is perfectly natural.
But no, in separate Daily Mirror website headlines we are told that Ruben Amorim has ‘hit out’ at Dalot and Hojlund for ‘fighting after Europa League bust-up’, and that he ‘slammed’ them after their ‘fighting incident’.
In a world where quote marks are increasingly used to delineate something someone hasn’t actually even said, it’s more than a little weird that in neither case is ‘fighting’ in quote marks despite Amorim himself actually using the term.
But what was it the Manchester United manager said about Dalot and Hojlund “fighting”? How did he ‘hit out’ at or ‘slam’ them?
The first place Mediawatch can find which has transcribed the entirety of this vicious attack in full is the MailOnline, who say the Portuguese ‘appeared to be treading a diplomatic line when he was asked about the incident with Dalot in his post-match press conference’. And that really doesn’t bode well for this particular ‘slam’, the crucial part of which reads:
“One thing that I am sure (about) is they are really anxious to score goals and to win games. So they are doing all the best and sometimes they want the best way in that position but are not deciding the best way in their position. But it was a clear situation. Rasmus did really well, Dalot did really well, the decision was not the best. The important thing is to move on and not stay like them, like fighting and let’s move on and to the next opportunity.”
Which, it should probably be pointed out, is precisely what they did. Hojlund reacted angrily, then Manchester United had five more shots by half-time, one of which was set up by the Dane while another was taken by Dalot.
It’s almost as if footballers sometimes disagree with one another.
Relationship advice
But that simply will not do. The Manchester Evening News must instead squeeze as many clicks as possible out of this remarkably brief moment which was rendered almost immediately moot by pretending that Dalot and Hojlund have some sort of long-lasting feud and this was merely the latest instalment:
‘Rasmus Hojlund’s relationship with Diogo Dalot and Bruno Fernandes intervention after row’
It turns out that Hojlund’s ‘up-and-down relationship’ with Dalot comprised of three moments before Thursday evening: one in which the former praised the latter for playing well despite being ill; one in which the latter praised the former for his “mentality”; and one in which Hojlund blamed Dalot for conceding a goal, Fernandes sided with Dalot and everyone just moved on.
That ‘up-and-down relationship’ certainly sounds a) substantial enough to produce a story chronicling it, and b) just like any other friendship in history in which people sometimes disagree.
The worst part is that the MEN say Amorim ‘was unconcerned by the incident’ on Thursday. Did they not realise he ‘slammed’ and ‘hit out’ at them?
Bust a move
Of course, that then spawns two more entirely risible stories from other Reach publications, whose relentless pursuit of barrel-scraping can only be admired.
‘Rasmus Hojlund’s rocky relationship with Man Utd team-mate that led to Bruno Fernandes row’ – Daily Mirror website, for whom the mask has slipped because now Amorim ‘insisted he was unconcerned by the flashpoint’. Pretty sure Mediawatch is being gaslit here but fine.
‘Bruno Fernandes’ intervention in first Rasmus Hojlund bust-up as Man Utd stars clash again’ – Daily Express website, who care not that said ‘intervention’ happened in November 2023 and basically just involved Fernandes agreeing with Dalot instead of Hojlund before they all very quickly agreed to move on.
Andre Onana and Harry Maguire overcame the implosion of their relationship so Hojlund and Dalot should be fine.
And finally…
While far, far, far from the biggest or most important aspect of this story from The Sun website…
Ex-West Ham star’s Wag breaks down in tears after ‘scum’ burglars ransack home
…we cannot in good conscience accept Nicky Maynard, he of 14 league appearances for an entirely Championship West Ham side, being described as their former ‘star’.
No point going down the whole ‘Wag’ thing being deployed to describe a married couple either. But this is definitely the second-biggest story in all of football on Friday morning and it just so happens to provide an excuse to post pictures from a pretty lady’s Instagram.
