The international break is in full swing and that means that sadly it is low tide in Content Bay.

Me, myself and I
Here’s the Daily Express headline on Jeremy Cross’ latest update from the England camp.

‘I was in Thomas Tuchel’s first England meeting – this is how he blew the players away’

Now you’d be forgiven for thinking that this is suggesting Jeremy Cross was in that meeting, wouldn’t you? That this was just another entry for the curious modern journalism trend that we’ve not yet quite sussed out for headlining any old news or feature in the style of a six-year-old writing about his summer holidays on the first day back at school.

But this is a variation on that theme, and an altogether iffier one. ‘I was there and I saw this’ is an odd little headline trend that presumably someone somewhere has worked out tickles Google’s google 0.3 per cent more effectively than other headline styles. It’s strange but ultimately harmless.

This is not that, because that quote – and it is presented as a quote – is not in fact about Jeremy Cross at all.

The person who was in the meeting was Dan Burn. Jeremy Cross knows this because Dan Burn spoke about it during a press conference. But – and you will have to indulge Mediawatch its foibles here but we do consider this important – one thing Dan Burn never said in that press conference were the words ‘I was in Thomas Tuchel’s first England meeting – this is how he blew the players away’.

Because that would be an insane thing to have said.

Burn himself, despite starring via the medium of fabricated quote in the headline, doesn’t actually get a mention until the fifth paragraph of a nine-paragraph story, in which the last four paragraphs are made up entirely of Dan Burn quotes that are not ‘I was in Thomas Tuchel’s first England meeting – this is how he blew the players away’.

And while we’re here…

‘I’m Roy Keane’s future son-in-law but I’m hoping to impress Thomas Tuchel this week’

This one gets bonus points because not only does the story beneath this headline not contain this very weird non-sequitur of a quote from Taylor Harwood-Bellis, it contains but a single bland old quote from him:

Speaking about his connection with former Ireland midfielder Keane, the centre-back said: “It’s something that is good and I take a lot of advice.”

Then there’s this…

‘I was forced to join Chelsea and told I had no choice – my dad was happier than I was’

Which is at least halfway close to a paraphrasing of some of the things Shaun Wright-Phillips (for it is he) actually said, and we do laugh at the idea of Ian Wright being reduced to ‘my dad’ in this anecdote. But that’s three made-up quotes in three headlines from the same publication in the space of 24 hours. It’s weird, isn’t it? It’s not just us?

Home alone
There’s a genuine art to making headlines innocently – ahem – appear more interesting than they actually are without tipping over completely into the murkier world of outright falsehood.

Sometimes, the most obvious simple approach is all that’s needed. Like with this beauty from The Sun.

Man Utd confirm where club will play matches during £2billion new stadium build as they release statement

Old Trafford. They will play their matches at Old Trafford.

Promise keeper
No great mystery as to why headlines that include the words ‘Liverpool’ and ‘Isak’ and ‘transfer’ might hold plenty of appeal at this time, but this one still feels like a bit of a reach from the Mirror.

Liverpool sent ‘promise’ message over Alexander Isak transfer that shows where deal stands

Now there are plenty of ways to read that headline – which is part of the game, obviously – but what we’re focused on here is the idea that this ‘promise’ message ‘shows where deal stands’. For good or bad, that needs this promise to be from someone or somewhere significant.

To the intro we go, the click long since safely banked, you rascals.

Liverpool have been warned off making a move for Newcastle United’s star striker Alexander Isak.

So it’s a bad promise for Liverpool. Ah well. Must be Newcastle saying they promise not to sell him, mustn’t it. That would show where the deal stands and no mistake.

However, ex-Manchester United and Wrexham shot-stopper Ben Foster has poured cold water on any hopes of Liverpool luring Isak to Anfield.

Oh.

“They will not sell him. Even for £150m, and I can promise you that they still wouldn’t sell him,” Foster said on his Fozcast podcast. “He’s not going anywhere, because it would leave so much bad feeling at Newcastle. It would take the wind out the fans’ sails so much if he left.”

That’s that, then.

READ: Newcastle dopamine hit will only sustain Isak and Guimaraes for now…

Five alive
We have some sympathy for The Sun here. Lord knows it’s hard work wringing content out of an international break when the first England game is still two days away and is also against Albania.

But we have a question about this intro.

THOMAS TUCHEL’S plan to win the World Cup has been revealed — and it is more about high fives than back fives.

And that question is simply this: is it, though?

Man Utd fans are in uproar over the decision by Sir Jim Ratcliffe and INEOS to uproot supporters in some areas of Old Trafford to make way for a new VIP dugout club.

The British billionaire completed a deal to buy 27.7 per cent of Man Utd a year ago as the Glazer family sold part of the club.

It has already been a rocky road for Ratcliffe and his INEOS team with many of their decisions criticised during their first year in charge.

Ratcliffe has announced hundreds of redundancies, cut lunches for staff, cut the ambassadorial wages of three club icons and terminated Sir Alex Ferguson’s £2 million annual salary as a global ambassador.

The Man Utd co-owner also chose to keep on Erik ten Hag in the summer before making a change early on this season, replacing him with Ruben Amorim.

Man Utd announced earlier this week that season ticket prices will be rising by five per cent, which is down from the reported 20 per cent they were going to increase it by.

But the Red Devils have been branded ‘appalling’ and ‘ruthless’ over the decision to move some season ticket holders in order to create premium hospitality seats.

The Daily Mail have accessed an email sent to supporters, it read: ‘We have identified a small number of general admission tickets directly adjacent to the home and away dugouts that will be converted to hospitality seats this summer.

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‘Your current seat is included within this block, and we will therefore need to find you an alternative seat for next season. We appreciate the disruption and inconvenience this will cause, and we apologise for having to move you.’

Those fans displaced will have first choice on available season ticket spaces elsewhere in the stadium but one fan told the Daily Mail: “I’ve sat in the row behind the dugout for 34 years, and I get this email which is a disgrace.

“It’s appalling of the club. The guy next to me has sat there for over 50 years, and he’s told me he’s unlikely to renew at 85 years of age.

“So many memories and now we have to make way for the super-rich prawn sandwich eaters who don’t even support United.”

Another fan commented: “It’s ruthless, and it just seems to me to be walking over the top of us for the sake of money. I’ve been in the same seat for 40 years and paid less than £500 with concessions this season. Now I’m being offered it as an executive club seat with dining for £15,120!

“There are so many fans that are in the same predicament. It has left us all absolutely gutted because we all sit together. It’s quite a community. I’m so disgusted, the club should be ashamed.”

Ratcliffe and INEOS are also ‘facing a backlash from OAP fans’ with some supporters over 66 now likely to pay up to £350 more for their season ticket after their 50 per cent discount was scrapped by the club.

An OAP fan said: “My season ticket cost £475 last season, and next it’s going to be £846-£850 or from £26 per game to £44-£50.

“Sir Jim Ratcliffe is hitting long-standing supporters with massive price rises. It seems he and his board want to get rid of pensioners so they can sell seats at priority prices on the back of OAPs losing out. A lot of pensioners are not going to renew season tickets due to increasing prices.”

Former Man Utd chief scout Mick Brown insists that Ratcliffe recently “defied every basic rule” when calling out some of Amorim’s players as “overpaid”.

Brown told Football Insider: “They keep doing things that prove they don’t know football. There are golden rules at United, and not criticising your own players in the press is one of them.

“That seems to have been completely thrown out of the window. You’ve got players who you’re asking to put everything on the line for you to get results, but you’re publicly slaughtering them in the press.

“You might think it, you might say it behind closed doors, but it should never be done in public. I do not get it, it’s bizarre, it defies every basic rule which has stood the test of time.

“It makes no sense to me, how he can come out and name specific players when he’s talking about them being overpaid when they’re the ones paying them.

“Some of the players are still at the club – how do you want them to react to that? I know in some cases they didn’t make the decision, but it’s hard to have any sympathy for them if that’s what they’re after.”

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Liverpool earned more than £250m on their way to bottling a Quadruple, while only seven clubs stand to receive more prize money than Manchester United.

While simply existing in the Premier League is worth about £100m, faring well in other competitions can keep the prize money total topped up across the board, even if some are far more profitable than others.

As the season enters its final stretch, it can be estimated approximately how much each Premier League team has earned through that, European competitions and domestic tournaments so far, even if plenty can still change.

How much prize money will teams earn through the Premier League in 2024/25?

This one is simple enough, with each team given a combination of a £95m equal share, a merit payment based on their final position and facility fees corresponding to how many of their games were selected for live broadcast.

The full breakdown of the prize money each Premier League team is due this season is worth a look but the estimated final payments so far are:

1) Liverpool – £174.1m

2) Arsenal – £170.4m

3) Chelsea – £161.4m

4) Nottingham Forest – £160.9m

5) Manchester City – £160.3m

6) Newcastle – £155.7m

7) Aston Villa – £149m

8) Brighton – £147m

9) Fulham – £143.1m

10) Manchester United – £140.2m

11) Bournemouth – £139.6m

12) Brentford – £135.8m

13) Spurs – £134.9m

14) Crystal Palace – £133.9m

15) Everton – £124.5m

16) West Ham – £124.2m

17) Wolves – £118.9m

18) Ipswich – £112.8m

19) Leicester – £112.1m

20) Southampton – £107.1m

These numbers are based on the current Premier League table and May’s round of live TV games are yet to be announced.

How much prize money will Premier League teams earn in 2024/25 Champions League?

The payments due to clubs competing in the Champions League are broken down into three parts under a new revenue distribution system:

1) An equal share
2) Performance-related fixed amounts
3) A ‘value pillar’ based on coefficient ranking and the broadcast revenue share of all participating countries

Using those, it is possible to roughly estimate how much prize money each team will earn through their participation in the competition this season.

The full breakdown of the prize money each Champions League team is due this season is worth a look but here are the numbers for the four Premier League sides specifically:

1) Arsenal – £84.15m (versus Real Madrid in the quarter-finals)

2) Liverpool – £80.91m

3) Aston Villa – £69.27m (versus Paris Saint-Germain in the quarter-finals)

4) Manchester City – £63.89m

Arsenal and Aston Villa can earn a further £12.7m for reaching the semi-finals, £15.6m for making it to the final and an additional £5.5m on top of that for winning the entire tournament.

How much prize money will Premier League teams earn in 2024/25 Europa League?

The payments due to clubs competing in the Europa League are broken down into three parts under a new revenue distribution system:

1) An equal share
2) Performance-related fixed amounts
3) A ‘value pillar’ based on coefficient ranking and the broadcast revenue share of all participating countries

Using those, it is possible to roughly estimate how much prize money each team will earn through their participation in the competition this season. Here are the numbers for the two Premier League sides specifically:

1) Manchester United – £12.33m (versus Lyon in the quarter-finals)

2) Spurs – £11.99m (versus Eintracht Frankfurt in the quarter-finals)

Both clubs can earn a further £3.53m for reaching the semi-finals, £5.89m for making it to the final and an additional £5m on top of that for winning the entire tournament.

How much prize money will Premier League teams earn in 2024/25 Conference League?

The payments due to clubs competing in the Conference League are broken down into three parts under a new revenue distribution system:

1) An equal share
2) Performance-related fixed amounts
3) A ‘value pillar’ based on coefficient ranking and the broadcast revenue share of all participating countries

Using those, it is possible to roughly estimate how much prize money each team will earn through their participation in the competition this season. Here are the numbers for the one Premier League side specifically:

1) Chelsea – £7.95m

They can earn a further £2.1m for reaching the semi-finals, £3.36m for making it to the final and an additional £2.52m on top of that for winning the entire tournament.

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How much prize money will Premier League teams earn in 2024/25 FA Cup?

While inevitably far less lucrative than the Premier League or European competitions, the FA Cup can still be a small earner for those who go deep enough into the tournament.

The payments are based only on how far a club goes and the breakdown is simple:

Third round proper winners – £115,000
Third round proper losers – £25,000
Fourth round proper winners – £120,000
Fifth round proper winners – £225,000
Quarter-final winners – £450,000
Semi-final winners – £1,000,000
Semi-final losers – £500,000
Final runners-up – £1,000,000
Final winners – £2,000,000

Based on that, here are the payments each Premier League side has earned thus far:

1) to 7) Aston Villa, Bournemouth, Brighton, Crystal Palace, Fulham, Manchester City and Nottingham Forest – £460,000

8) to 11) Ipswich, Manchester United, Newcastle and Wolves – £235,000

12) to 17) Chelsea, Everton, Leicester, Liverpool, Southampton and Spurs – £115,000

18) to 20) Arsenal, Brentford and West Ham – £25,000

How much prize money did Premier League teams earn in 2024/25 Carabao Cup?

It should shock no-one to learn that the Carabao Cup is not a particularly money-spinning competition. The payments are again based only on how far a club goes and the breakdown is simple:

First round winners – £5,000
Second round winners – £7,000
Third round winners – £10,000
Fourth round winners – £15,000
Quarter-finalists – £25,000
Semi-finalists – £25,000
Runner-up – £50,000
Winners – £100,000

Based on that, here are the payments each Premier League side earned through competing in the Carabao Cup; Newcastle made more money reaching the FA Cup fifth round than they did winning an actual trophy:

1) Newcastle – £182,000

2) Liverpool – £125,000

3) and 4) Arsenal and Spurs – £75,000

5) to 7) Brentford, Crystal Palace and Southampton – £57,000

8) Manchester United – £50,000

9) and 10) Brighton and Leicester – £17,000

11) to 13) Aston Villa, Chelsea and Manchester City – £10,000

13) to 17) Everton, Fulham, West Ham and Wolves – £7,000

18) to 20) Bournemouth, Ipswich and Nottingham Forest – £0

How much prize money have Premier League teams earned in all competitions this season?

Putting it all together, it is possible to estimate the prize money Premier League clubs will earn simply through participating in different competitions this season:

1) Liverpool – £255.25m

2) Arsenal – £254.67m

3) Manchester City – £224.67m

4) Aston Villa – £218.75m

5) Chelsea – £169.48m

6) Nottingham Forest – £161.36m

7) Newcastle – £156.12m

8) Manchester United – £152.82m

9) Brighton – £147.48m

10) Spurs – £147.07m

11) Fulham – £143.57m

12) Bournemouth – £140.06m

13) Brentford – £135.88m

14) Crystal Palace – £134.42m

15) Everton – £124.62m

16) West Ham – £124.23m

17) Wolves – £119.14m

18) Ipswich – £113.04m

19) Leicester – £112.23m

20) Southampton – £107.27m

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