What has Ruben Amorim done now? Well he’s repeated something Sir Alex Ferguson ‘practically pioneered’ of course…
Revelations
‘Ruben Amorim reveals the vital change his Man United side made during FA Cup win over Arsenal compared to their defeat in December – and hails the ‘hero’ behind their ‘suffering’ victory’, apparently.
It can only be a MailOnline headline. But it’s essentially bollocks.
Amorim does not reveal a ‘vital change’ that he or anybody else made during that very impressive backs-to-the-wall win over Arsenal, he merely said: “We showed a different spirit, even with 10 men. We are improving on that aspect.”
Sometimes managers are really quite dull and on this occasion Ruben Amorim was really quite dull. He ‘revealed’ the square root of f*** all.
Baby you can drive my car
But then MailOnline received images of Manchester United players in their cars and hey presto!
‘GRIN WHEN YOU’RE WINNING! Ruben Amorim leads Man United car-pooling celebrating stars on late-night return to Manchester Airport after Arsenal penalty win – and reveals the ‘vital’ change he made’
A few small things to note:
1) Not a single person in the pictures is GRINNING. Or even grinning. Ruben Amorim is sporting something akin to a grimace at best, presumably because some f***er is taking pictures of him when he just wants to get home.
2) They are definitely not ‘celebrating’; they just look a bit knackered. It had been a long day.
3) Four players are sharing two cars. Does this qualify them as ‘Man United car-pooling celebrating stars’? Despite what James Corden would have you believe, ‘carpooling’ usually involves more than two people in a car.
Anyway, it’s apparently the biggest story in football that some footballers drove some cars. Or in Joshua Zirkzee’s case, that he was ‘driven away by an unknown individual’. Mysterious.
MORE ON ARSENAL v MAN UTD FROM F365:
👉 16 Conclusions from Arsenal 1-1 Man Utd (3-5): Havertz and Gunners blow big chance, tentative United progress continues
👉 Mikel Arteta is ‘overpaid jester’ and Arsenal are just ‘expensive Stoke’
👉 Man Utd star facing ban after FA Cup brawl in penalty shootout win over Arsenal
Phwoar
The Manchester United players did not stop for waiting fans but Ruben Amorim did, leaving the Manchester Evening News fawning…
‘What Ruben Amorim told Manchester United fans after Arsenal win shows they have the right manager’
And what did Amorim tell Manchester United fans?
They were very tired, Amorim stressed, and needed to sleep ahead of Southampton’s visit on Thursday.
Immediately turning to the next one is a trait Sir Alex Ferguson practically pioneered. Amorim is demonstrating his United managerial credentials every week.
The exceptionalism is extraordinary. Apparently no football manager even thought of the next game until Ferguson came along. And none of them have done that since.
And especially not Erik ten Hag…
‘In his post-match press conference following the draw, Ten Hag said he is now turning his attention to the upcoming clash with Forest on Sunday’ – Man Utd official website, April 2023.
‘No sooner had Manchester United sealed a third-place Premier League finish in Erik ten Hag’s debut campaign than the Dutchman was already focussed on the next fixture’ – 90Min, May 2023.
‘Manchester United boss Erik ten Hag made clear that whilst the away win over Burnley will give his side confidence, all the attention must now turn to our upcoming fixtures’ – Man Utd official website, September 2023.
It’s almost like it’s the biggest cliche in football and actually not evidence that Manchester United have the right manager. The actual result might be the key there.
Never EVER have I ever felt so low…
Over to the Mirror now and they really do try to make a mountain out of a dull Ruben Amorim molehill.
Asked if Marcus Rashford – who wants to leave Manchester United and who Manchester United want to sell – might have played his last game for Manchester United, Ruben Amorim said: “I don’t know…I don’t know, we’ll see. He is a player for Manchester United. We’ll see.”
Put that through the magic clickbait Reach machine and we get:
Ruben Amorim refuses to guarantee Marcus Rashford will EVER play for Man Utd again
He would look really, really bloody ridiculous if he did, guys…
These (five/six) words are my own…
Talking of Marcus Rashford, it has become obvious that the prospect of a ‘reunion’ with Dele has not taken him to Como. Shocker.
But while one former England teammate fades into the background, another comes to the fore. And it’s worth noting that Rashford has played alongside Fikayo Tomori one whole time for England so he really does qualify as an ‘England team-mate’. Or it does if you work for the Mirror as a ‘Senior Sports Writer – Under 35s’.
‘Marcus Rashford sent clear five-word message by England team-mate about AC Milan’
Has Fikayo Tomori taken it upon himself to message Rashford about moving to Milan? Maybe. But the Mirror is not privy to that information…
Has Fiyako Tomori spoken in public about the possibility of Rashford moving to Milan? Has he balls.
Did Fikayo Tomori speak about his move to Milan in early December, two weeks before Rashford even said he wanted to leave Manchester United and over a month before Milan was even mentioned as a possible destination? You know the answer…
‘Marcus Rashford has been told by AC Milan star Fikayo Tomori that moving to the Serie A was the “the best decision” he has made.’
Well, he told ITV. Does that count?
‘Former Chelsea star Tomori insists that moving to Italy could be the new lease of life Rashford needs.’
Yes, he absolutely ‘insisted’ a month before it was first mooted that Rashford would thrive in Milan. Now that’s what we call prescient.
We’re here now though, so let’s hear this ‘five-word message’ that was not remotely a message: “It’s the best decision I made.”
Erm…
MORE ON ARSENAL v MAN UTD FROM F365:
👉 16 Conclusions from Arsenal 1-1 Man Utd (3-5): Havertz and Gunners blow big chance, tentative United progress continues
👉 Mikel Arteta is ‘overpaid jester’ and Arsenal are just ‘expensive Stoke’
👉 Man Utd star facing ban after FA Cup brawl in penalty shootout win over Arsenal
