Ruben Amorim delivered the calmest ‘rant’ in Man Utd history, while there were the exact opposite of ‘touchline antics’ from Darren Fletcher…
Critical incident
If you Google ‘touchline antics’, you get a whole lot of Mikel Arteta content, a sprinkling of Ronaldo and a video of an Inzaghi absolutely losing his actual sh*t.
And you also get this breaking news from The Sun…
‘Darren Fletcher’s touchline antics before Man Utd star Joshua Zirkzee’s penalty vs Fulham speak volumes’
And what were these ‘touchline antics’? Did he wave his arms in the air? Did he berate the assistant referee? Did he square up to Marco Silva?
Did he balls. He ‘headed for the tunnel before Joshua Zirkzee had even missed his crucial penalty against Fulham’. So pretty much the opposite of ‘touchline antics’ in that he literally walked away from the touchline and down the tunnel.
He also headed down the tunnel knowing that Fulham had scored all their penalties (while Manchester United had missed one) and Zirkzee could only really delay the inevitable by scoring, but let’s pretend his reaction ‘spoke volumes’.
‘Per the MEN’s Samuel Luckhurst, Fletcher hadn’t appeared to have much faith in United rescuing the shoot-out.’
Well no; it was quite unlikely at that stage.
‘He wrote on X: “Darren Fletcher headed for the exit before Joshua Zirkzee took his penalty kick. Everyone knows the score with the team that barely score.”‘
Which would quite make quite a lot more sense if Manchester United had not beaten Arsenal on penalties less than two months ago.
‘Darren Fletcher incident during Man Utd penalty shootout sums up struggles’ is the Mirror‘s take. Because a man walking towards a tunnel is clearly an ‘incident’. Or at least it is if you are trying to create a curiosity gap.
‘Of course, he could have been heading to the dressing rooms early to prepare a post-match debrief. But the fact that he did not stick around is a telling sign of the malaise that the club are currently embroiled in.’
It’s really f***ing not; it’s probably just the first thing, you know the ‘post-match debrief’ point which made you write ‘of course’ because it was the most obvious explanation. That one.
‘Man does his job.’
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Taken for ranted
Watch this…
“I’m not naive, that’s why I’m coaching Manchester United at 40 years old” 👀
Ruben Amorim responds to Wayne Rooney saying it’s naive for him to say his goal is to win the Premier League 🏆 pic.twitter.com/YZ3GWkGcP6
— Sky Sports News (@SkySportsNews) March 2, 2025
Is that a ‘rant’ from Ruben Amorim? If your answer is ‘yes’ than congratulations for you probably work for Mirror Sport. No other f***er would watch that passionate but reasonable response and conclude ‘that’s a rant, that is’.
But it does allow them to publish this monumental piece of nonsense:
‘Four Man Utd legends point finger at Ruben Amorim after Wayne Rooney rant’
a) not a rant and b) nobody has pointed anything at Amorim after that ‘not a rant’; it’s just an opportunity to roll out a series of quotes from former Manchester United players.
And no, Rooney did not ‘slam’ Amorim; even he has some self-awareness.
Spotter’s badge
‘I spotted Joshua Zirkzee’s reaction after missing Manchester United penalty – he was distraught’ – Manchester Evening News.
He was literally on the telly crying, guys. What the actual f***.
And presumably he was only crying because of Fletcher’s ‘touchline antics’; they would test anybody’s resolve.
Onana? What’s your game
But the big news on the MEN has landed: ‘Andre Onana makes decision on Manchester United future’
Is that ‘decision’ that he will carry on playing for the club that pays his reportedly £120,000-a-week wages? Yes, yes it is.
