Manchester United are back in training so we all have to pretend that Ruben Amorim is busy negotiating for Bryan Mbeumo.
Liverpool news from 2022 LIVE
After the egregious coverage of the death of Diogo Jota last week, it’s something of a relief to get back to some sh*t that basically means nothing.
And so to the Express and their latest LIVE offering (adhering to the rule of three that means Liverpool, Manchester United and Arsenal are always included) on Monday morning:
Transfer news LIVE: Liverpool rejected Isak as Arsenal in advanced talks, Utd eye striker
This is so LIVE that this refers to an Isak rejection by Liverpool that happened three whole years ago. That is slippery enough until you realise that the quotes in question were actually widely reported a week ago.
The only thing that’s LIVE is the Express decision to link that story with the fact that Arsenal are in ‘advanced talks’ (with Viktor Gyokeres). It’s LIVE and entirely and deliberately misleading. Still, at least it doesn’t include an image of a burned-out car so frankly, who gives a sh*t?
Back to work, Ruben Amorim
Over at the Mirror, three of their five top headlines still include the name of ‘Jota’ so we’re not quite out of the woods with that one yet, but the big one is Manchester United. Because of course it is.
There’s ‘WORK TO DO FOR AMORIM!’, apparently, as the Mirror detail ‘5 things on Amorim’s to-do list’.
We knew before we clicked that of the five things supposedly on his to-do list, there’s almost no chance that he is responsible for them all. And of course we were right.
The first is apparently ‘Bryan Mbeumo deal done’. Nope, not his job. They have a director of football and a director of football negotiations.
The second is ‘Seal major sales’. Nope, really not his job. He has enough on his plate training the footballers he does want to keep; he definitely won’t be on the phone to Barcelona about Marcus Rashford. It’s not 1963.
He does maybe have to ‘Decide on number one’ and ‘Clarify striker situation’, but if you think Amorim is arranging loans for Harry Amass and Ethan Wheatley, then somebody has seriously misunderstood the role of a football coach.
His to-do list is actually one item long: Make Manchester United rather less of a shit-show.
READ: Manchester United have failed Amorim yet again with pre-season embarrassment
Follow the leader
The good news – if signing Bryan Mbeumo is actually the first thing on Ruben Amorim’s to-do list – is that:
Bryan Mbeumo has already told Ruben Amorim what he wants to hear before Man United transfer
We are not sweet summer children so Mediawatch already knows that Mbeumo has told Amorim absolutely f*** all. And the ‘already’ tells us that whatever he did say was absolutely not recent.
The whole piece – in the Manchester Evening News – is based upon the idea that Amorim wants leaders at Manchester United and Mbeumo said in October that he “feels like a leader”.
So obviously he has ‘already told Ruben Amorim what he wants to hear before Man United transfer’. Or told the Daily Telegraph nine months ago, which is apparently the same thing.
When is a shock not a shock?
On June 8 we reported that Manchester United were interested in Dominic Calvert-Lewin on a free transfer.
On July 6 the rest of the football media caught up and…
‘Man Utd make shock move to sign free agent Dominic Calvert-Lewin as new transfer realities are laid bare’ – The Sun.
‘Man Utd ‘plot shock free transfer’ for Dominic Calvert-Lewin after Everton exit’ – Mirror.
‘Manchester United plan shock move for England striker available on free transfer’ – Metro.
‘Manchester United weigh up ‘shock’ Dominic Calvert-Lewin transfer after Victor Osimhen ‘decision” – Standard.
‘Manchester United line-up shock move for free agent Premier League striker’ – talkSPORT.
Maybe we’re just not very easily shocked.
