After a tedious few weeks, Benjamin Sesko is joining Arsenal and Viktor Gyokeres is heading to Manchester United.
S.E.S.K.O
One (already tedious) theme of the summer is which striker Arsenal will sign. Thankfully, it has now become abundantly clear after not one but TWO hints that Benjamin Sesko is the chosen one. Over to The Sun:
Arsenal fans get biggest hint yet of which striker they’re signing as star follows club and barber sends message
What bigger hint can we possibly need than whoever runs Sesko’s Instagram account (probably not Sesko) following Arsenal? Especially if we all quietly ignore the fact that he follows several football clubs.
The Sun are not alone, with several sites jumping on that particular bandwagon, with headlines like ‘Arsenal-bound?! Benjamin Sesko drops big hint on potential transfer with suggestive social media activity’ (Goal), ‘Arsenal’s top target Benjamin Sesko ‘drops transfer hint’ as Mikel Arteta eyes £70m swoop for RB Leipzig star’ (MailOnline) and ‘Deal done? Benjamin Sesko drops MASSIVE Arsenal hint’ (FootballTransfers).
But that ‘suggestive social media activity’ is clearly not enough…what we need is a ‘message’ from a barber in Mykonos, obviously.
Always a pleasure to have you here brat @Benjaminsesko. We hope to have you in London from this winter.
Nailed. On. Buy the shirt. Now what’s his dream number…?
Meade-watch
We’re not saying that nobody has a freaking clue what’s going on, but within 12 hours…
‘Arsenal get major Viktor Gyokeres transfer boost as Sporting ‘find replacement” – Samuel Meade, Mirror.
‘Man United one step from Viktor Gyokeres transfer as Sporting make major decision’ – Samuel Meade and Joshua Smith, Manchester Evening News.
‘Benjamin Sesko looks to be the man that Arsenal have settled on as their first choice having weighed up whether to go after the Slovenian or Viktor Gyokeres – Samuel Meade, Mirror.
That’s one hell of a shift.
One small step for Man Utd…
We know the Manchester Evening News are largely in the business of Manchester United propaganda but that headline is extraordinary.
They claim ‘Man United one step from Viktor Gyokeres transfer as Sporting make major decision’, but Mediawatch is intrigued to know this one step as we are pretty sure there are five pretty bloody major steps.
1) Make an offer to Sporting Lisbon for Gyokeres.
2) Have that offer accepted for Gyokeres.
3) Persuade Gyokeres that Manchester United are a serious proposition.
4) Agree terms with Gyokeres.
5) Gyokeres must pass a medical.
That feels like a little more than ‘one step’. And that’s discounting the small matter of raising the money after already committing over £120m to Matheus Cunha and Bryan Mbeumo. But sod that…
Nailed. On. Buy the shirt. Now what’s his dream number…?
Admission fee
Some of us still think that Manchester United should sign Victor Osimhen but the Manchester Evening News have an update:
‘It’s impossible’ – Odion Ighalo makes Victor Osimhen admission amid Man United transfer links
Impossible? Is it? That’s a shame. Let’s see those quotes from the former United striker…
For me, in the world today, you can’t mention two strikers without his name. It’s impossible. He’s doing so well.
Oh.
The admission? He ‘believes Napoli ace Victor Osimhen is one of the best centre-forwards in the world’.
How the f*** did they get that out of him?
Man Utd transfer blows and boosts
Elsewhere, Manchester United just keep getting hit with blow after blow after blow. Just in the last few hours according to the Daily Star:
Liverpool transfer news: Man Utd and Arsenal dealt transfer blow as Reds enter race
The fact that the ‘Viktor Gyokeres to Liverpool’ transfer has long since been dismissed is seemingly irrelevant because Man Utd have suffered a ‘transfer blow’. Did nobody tell them that United are just ‘one step away’ from that transfer? Poor.
Man Utd handed another transfer blow as top striker opts to move to Juventus
Another one? Jonathan David this time. Not linked with United in weeks but they are clearly reeling.
Man Utd suffer transfer hammer blow with target now set for Barcelona move
Roony Bardghji. A ‘major blow’ apparently.
But there’s a glimmer of hope…some good news incoming:
Man Utd handed huge transfer boost as ‘medical booked’ for new striker
Thank f*** for that. Is it Gyokeres? It must be Gyokeres…maybe that’s the ‘one step’.
You will not be shocked to learn that it is not Gyokeres. But you may be shocked that the ‘medical booked’ is for Ansu Fati at Monaco. Which is a ‘huge transfer boost’ to Manchester United for reasons really too tedious to explain.
Still, things are looking up, right?
